he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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