I just threw up on my dentist
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
