We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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