So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
