I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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