there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
