Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
