I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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