so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
