Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
