I hate all girls vehemently.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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