And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
