Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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