theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I lost the right to judge tonight
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
