i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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