everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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