Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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