i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
