My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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