woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont even know how to be here
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize