I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
