omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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