Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
