Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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