If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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