My sheets look like a crime scene.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize