She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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