Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
