The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
