I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
