Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
