either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
