You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
