she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
