Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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