it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
