MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
