A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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