i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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