i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
