I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
