Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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