Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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