Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
