He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
