I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
