she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
