Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
