she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
