You're my little dorito
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
