is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
