Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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