Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
