On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
