Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
