I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
