she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
