i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
