I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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