I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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