can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you never un-have a 4some
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
