Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
