my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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