I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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