just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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