no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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