just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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