he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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