I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
