We're facebook friends in real life
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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