he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
