I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
