sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
