You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
