Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
