It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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