You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
