Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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