I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
